I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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