Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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