Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
