Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Boobs are out for the taking
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
