I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
