let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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