"it" just moved
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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