he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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