well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I love you.
Bad choice
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
