Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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