Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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