Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
