it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
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nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
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I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize