I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
