I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
