My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Alive.
So much puke
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Enjoy the penises
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
