a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
