Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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