"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
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