I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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