I just made out with a guy for $7.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
