i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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