Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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