I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
