C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
