Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
