if i can run in heels then i can drive
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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