Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
