I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
