Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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