I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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