Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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