I'm going to jail i love you
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
