that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
