This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
