Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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