theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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