I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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