I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
