turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
NoShamevember. You game?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
