im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
We just shotgunned beers for America
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Panties = found
Randomize
