This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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