He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
