Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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