I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Randomize
