Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
