At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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