My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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