dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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