Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
