I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Randomize
