This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
