just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
