i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize