at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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