maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
