i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
