Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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