Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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