My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
