You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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