he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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