I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I believe in your delicious
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
