Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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