She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
