I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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