Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
