I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
