so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
