She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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