I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
