it was like eating out sand paper
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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