first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
