She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
