I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
