I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
