I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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