evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Just pee around me
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Randomize
