Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
