You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
