I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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