feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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