He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
