Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
